As Bright as Stars

Last night was a beautiful, beautiful starry night in Bangalore. Watching the moon, I felt like I was having a conversation with it – as if with every second that passed with my eyes studying its shape, its scars, and colours, I was “knowing” the moon – the “Moon”, like it was a person. Every time I shuddered I wasn’t sure if I was shivering in response to the playful wind or just felt overwhelmed about the reality that surrounded me, embraced me even.

We often say the stars and the night sky make us feel small, inconsequential, momentary, like specks of dust. They remind us of how small our existence is, and how big existence itself can be. Yesterday, however, as I hugged myself in the cold, gorgeous night, I held my skin with love. I thought of my physical being, occupying space in the story of time and change. Jupiter shone with unblinking light, as if to hold a constant smile, reassuring me that I was small, but complete. Like it said, “Good for you!” that for no purpose whatsoever, I had somehow ended up with a mysterious kind of existence.

No, we are not small. We are countless “someones”, experiencing reality of some sense. We are filled with multitudes of experiences, within and without. It is with pitiful irony that in our constructed lives – with “global” economies, social networks, political identities, corporate nine-to-fives – we become smaller and smaller, contained within the limits of the existence we are “supposed” to have.

Have you forgotten? The universe and the reality that contains it stretches beyond infinity. There is space, so much space for each being, each kind of existence; and so much time, enough time for existence to grow and change. That we are small because the sky is big suggests that our collective existence operates in a limited space. But our collective existence is endless – in time and space – which means, of course, that we are all as significant as each being can get.

We have five different sources of experience – and more within us that enhances them! We have the mind-boggling ability to make sense of these experiences, and an even more amazing ability to feel wonder for the many things we experience. We value “knowing” and “understanding” so much that we forget to not need to know sometimes. We forget to wonder, to be curious without the end goal of “finding out”. We don’t discover any more, we explain.

You know, the clouds passing above you at dusk need not be understood to be loved. Stare at the sky as it paints itself. Discover the colours on that regular little spider on your working desk. Talk to yourself – loudly and proudly. Kiss your friends’ hands. Move with the wind. Observe that little fruit bat you notice but ignore every night. Take photographs of colourful buildings with your eyes. Try stuff that expands your mind. Experience hatred for a person. Make doodles on your body. Listen to songs you think you’d hate. Become the main character of every movie you watch.

You are monumental. We are monumental. We are as big as the stars. As mighty as the bees. As special as pebbles. We experience as much as trees do. We exist as much as everything that ever has, or ever will.

 

My friend Abhirami looking down at the plains from a hill near Bangalore, as beautiful clouds pass by.